Welp One Year Has Gone

 Hard to believe my last post was a year ago. I can't even begin to summarize what 2018 was like for me.
 That guy I was talking to about heart break this time last year, I liked him then. Still do to this day. Met him July/August of 2017, started liking him around September. But I left the country for almost 3 months and he wasn't as responsive towards the end of my trip as he was during the beginning. But we came back and our friendship continued in an upward motion. We had a romantic moment in December that continued into the new years but he told me after that he was still going through heart break and we had to take it easy. (Cue me writing that post.) It was fine for awhile but I couldn't handle the feeling of not being wanted completely by someone and said maybe we should have some time apart for him to work out his feelings.

 Turns out not only did he use that time to get over her, he got over me in that time as well. I was quite sad at that point. A few more months without talking and we started talking again but it was different. I spent those months trying to get over him. I did. Mostly... BUT once he started exhibiting signs again I couldn't help but fall back in.

 We started being "romantic" again in the summer. Then I left the country for a few weeks in both October and in December. I didn't get back until New Year's Eve. We had a great night. And since then I've hung out at his house and talked to his parents a bunch. Cut to one night we're hanging out...I see notifications from a dating app on his phone. Two different girls' names. (Yes, I know I shouldn't have looked but he started hiding his phone from me instead of always leaving it face up and I was curious.)

 Now I'm thinking: what do I do? Should I bring up that I saw something? Or just ask him to DTR (define the relationship)? Or just casually say something about being exclusive? Or all of the above?

 I'm 5% hoping he finds this and is on the same page as I am about being together and 95% scared if I bring up anything it will drive him away forever. And I'd rather be in this limbo not knowing what we are than to not have him in my life again.

 And as I think these things, I think to myself that I'm one of those girls who has the choice and option to leave an unhealthy relationship but doesn't choose to and I hate myself for it. That's how the first two weeks of 2019 has been for me. That's all folks~