How Do You Find Your Passion?

I want to first preface this with yes, I know this is the most first-world problem ever and yes, I know most people are not as fortunate as to be faced with this problem. But fortunately, I do have this problem and I want to solve it in the best way.

Let us begin


 So I am fortunate because my family is well off enough that I don't have to work at all and I can still live at home. But there comes a time when we (I) should get a job just to have something to do every day and so that we (I) don't leave the nest and move in with a significant other and stay home every single day doing the same old nothings. But being fortunate enough to not need more money, I haven't found a thing I want to do with my life. I have never been the smart one, nor the studious one, nor the intelligent one. At least not in my family. My brother and sister are far superior to me in terms of relevant and important information that can be held in their brains. I on the other hand just watch shows and youtube and talk about Disney or Pokemon all the time.


 My dad recently had a chat with me about finding a job - even a boring meaningless one - because I'm at a "marriageable age" and do not want to present myself to my in-laws as unemployed. I for once agreed with him. In the past, I fought back (for no reason) just because I didn't like being told what to do. But now I am at the point that I agree and I do want to have a job and something to do.


  Here comes the problem: I don't know what I want to do but I know what I don't want to do. (This is where people might get annoyed) I don't want to have to wake up at 7 or 8am because I can't wake up that early. I don't want to have to come home at 7 or 8pm because I get hungry early and often. I don't want to drive too far because I hate driving and sitting in traffic (who doesn't). I don't want to work in a small office where you only interact with the same 2 to 20 people every single day and everyone knows everyone else's business and there is a lot of gossip going on. (We all know gossip gets you nowhere. Why not just get the facts and not tell other peoples' secrets?) It would be great if I didn't work for a shady Asian company (I have worked for two of those already) where the bosses cut corners and expect you to do things on your own time without compensation and fire you for having ideas and (the best way to put this) "American ideals."


   Of course, the best job I am suited for is to be someone's assistant whether personal or professional. I've always told my interviewers - and this is true - that I am an organized person and love keeping things in order and on schedule. My proudest talent is being able to know where everything is at all times and knowing what people want before they want it. Examples: If I see someone leave their phone or an important item somewhere and they are looking for it an hour later I can remind them exactly where they last put it because something as insignificant as placing something down is something I will take note of. Another thing is once I get to know someone well enough and understand their habits (as humans are creatures are habits) as well as likes and dislikes. I am able to predict when something will be requested of me before it is asked for - documents, files, information, schedulings, and such.


  On another hand, it would be incredible to work in a creative space. Whether just being in the administrative or assistive side of it or actually being hands-on and in the action. I truly believe that if I could find a company that does things I can be proud to talk about, I wouldn't care how I am compensated by that company nor how hard I have to work as long as I feel appreciated. I applied to work at Wizarding World in Universal Studios Hollywood a few summers ago and I got in. It was a grueling retail job and I always got stuck with the midnight shifts but I didn't want to quit nor did I complain about anything except the lack of good food and how much my back hurt from standing all the time. I actually loved the days I got to work in the wizard shops and be in character and talk about the magical world that I love and am passionate about. The pay was very little and I didn't get home until 2am every night that I worked because I live over an hour's drive away. But I still enjoyed going and putting on a uniform and helping people buy souvenirs at the end of a long and happy day in the theme park.


 My conclusion is...I don't know what to do. I know what I don't want to do. But I don't want to try and fail at a bunch of jobs.

Recently Obsessed Games Sept 2019

I've been super addicted to games on my phone lately. SO much so that each time I discover a new one I don't sleep until 4 or 5am that day. And I get complaints from my better half that I haven't talked to him all day. I really think I need to find an app that can start a timer every time I open a new game and let me know when I have been playing for 30 minutes. Then I would make myself stop that game (and probably go to another one).


Here's a rough list of what I've been obsessed with lately with a short description and a Google Play Store link (sorry, I don't know how to get to the iTunes store and look for stuff but you can click on the google link to see if you found the same app.) In no particular order:


-AdVenture Communist by Kongregate- Horrible name, I know. It is an idle clicker game (but you can hold down). I've been playing it on and off for many months now and ever since they started doing events it has gotten back into my daily gaming rotation again. It is very idle and you can just go back to it every 2-4 hours whenever there is a new crate to open. There are ads you can watch every so often to get bonus items. And the game gets super fast-paced again each time you start a new level.

- Shop Titans by Kabam Games Inc- The first night I downloaded this game I didn't sleep until 4am the next morning. And then I proceeded to keep my phone on this game pretty much any time I was awake for the next few weeks. You play a merchant who crafts goods such as weapons/armour/healing items for heroes and adventures to go on quests for loot. You sort of get to go on the quests but not really. You yourself have a set of heroes that you can send on quests for additional crafting materials. This game relies partially on co-op in which you need to join or create a guild with players as equally active as you in order to grow your town and make things easier for you. It is both an idle game and not an idle game at the same time. As you advance in the game, your items take longer to craft thus you might need to leave it for a while to let the orders be completed. On the other hand, the thing I love most about this game is that you can leave it on and there will always be something to do. The shoppers continuously come into your store so you will always have money earning opportunities. And if they stop showing up, it just means you need to restart the app and you will see that your counter is full of shoppers once again. This game has no ads.

- Cooking Quest: Food Wagon Adventure by Cat Lab- As the name states, it's a food wagon game! Similar to Shop Titans you craft items (in this case food) to give to people who come to buy your merchandise and they can go on quests. It is similar and different in its own ways. You have a town that you can build up which will help you in your crafting goals. You send adventurers on quests to get more ingredients for cooking. In this case, your quests are endless and you just need to collect whenever the bag gets full but those can be easily expanded. And you have a food cart to sell your goods to the people going on adventures. This game does not require an internet connection but there are opportunities to watch ads for free stuff to help in your game.

- The Trail by Kongregate- This game has kept me up way more than the previous games and it does give you slight anxiety when playing. It has peaceful artwork and music and is an endless trail walking game. You set off with your character and just simply start walking. You can change your speed from jogging to slow stroll. Accessories and clothing can be equipped to make things easier such as a hat for increased hearts, jacket for tool hooks in order to free up backpack space, pants to get pockets for same reason as previous, and a bigger backpack to become a bigger hoarder. As you walk along the trail on the game you collect items. The items can then be crafted into useful things such as the equipment previously mentioned, food for stamina regeneration, or simply goods to be sold. Everything can be sold for in-game currency in order to buy a home or buy better supplies from your fellow players. The game, however, has not been updated since August 2018 at the time I am writing this. I think the game is fine just the way it is and does not need updates save for a few glitches here or there that can be easily fixed by a quick restart of the game. The one qualm I have about the game is sometimes when your pack is too full and your character moves, everything falls out. I had one time where I rage quit due to dying so close to the next stop and when I came back to the game, my character was walking out of a river and everything in my backpack fell out into the water. Note here that things in the water can not be retrieved. And I was mad because I just took some higher level things out of my house storage. Pro tip: Once you get a house, buy a bunch of storage boxes and go back every time you get to a camp to dump things in there and restock your pack with supplies for the next leg of the journey. Many people complain about not having anything to do except walking on a trail and buying decorations for their houses but I find that those things are all I need from this game.




Honorable mentions (aka still play but not obsessively and was at one point obsessed):

- Pokemon GO by Niantic - Yes, people still play Pokemon GO, No, it is not lame nor just for kids.

- Wizards Unite by Niantic - Similar to Pokemon GO but you will love it if you are a huge Potterhead because they go into quite obscure details. More gameplay than Pokemon and you can play from home although the GO aspect still exists and you do need to go outside for certain things.

- Picture Cross by AppyNation Ltd. - Puzzle game that I got into because it looks a lot like cross-stitching. Definitely a passive game. The biggest problem I ran into was the lack of tokens to continue playing. I just wanted to complete more puzzles! Pro tip: memorize the answer for one puzzle that rewards 3 tokens when replayed and spend your coins to play that puzzle every time you are low.

- Solitaire Cooking Tower by Sticky Hands Inc - I love solitaire, always have. This game just gives you rewards for completing games and gives you daily challenges so it isn't just a solitaire game like the one in your computer. Also, the artwork is very cute. I play this passively and when I am bored (but not recently because of the games mentioned above.) I still continue to log on every day to collect my daily log in rewards.










Enjoy~! Feel free to comment with questions about certain games, how to play (if the company's faqs don't help), your favorite things about the games I mentioned, games you think I should check out, or even if you're having "just an okay" day.

Happy Birthday 2019

It's impossible for me to fully express just how amazing my birthday was yesterday. It's been many years since I was last with anyone and on my last few birthdays I was feeling quite depressed on the day. (So bad in fact I spent one whole morning crying)


 The day before my birthday this year I was having very bad mood swings and just wanted to be away from people and cancel lunch plans with my family so I can go out somewhere and be alone. I spent the whole day being irritated at my mom for no reason (except all the little reasons that a rational person would not react to.)


 At 10ish that night I was able to talk to 🐼 before he went to sleep for work the next day. We got off the phone around 11:30 so he can go to sleep. But 30 minutes at midnight he texts me happy birthday - which surprised me more than anything else. He then ended up calling me when he saw that I responded right away and we talked some more. My mood started feeling better at this point


 The next day I woke up in the morning but still want to cancel lunch plans due to eating too much meat lately and I was having 火氣 flare-ups as a result. So I let my mom know I didn't want to go for lunch any more especially since we had another reservation for the day after also. I ended up heading to Brea mall by myself to redeem some birthday goodies and buy myself some tea from T2. I spent such a long time enjoying myself and looking at things that by the time I was done it was a bit too trafficy to head to Disney like I originally planned to do after.


 At this point I get a call and he tells me he is leaving work early due to the lighter patient schedule today. We end up meeting near our homes for a raid (yes, people still play pokemon go) and he has a bouquet of happy birthday balloons in his car.


 Surprise! Surprise! Here are 4 mylar balloons and 2 japanese cheesecakes from Uncle Tetsu for your birthday! Turns out he drove to Arcadia mall on his lunch to pick up cake for me. It was at this point my heart swelled three sizes and I got a bit teary eyed. I don't remember the last time I've felt so much love in my heart.

Breakup Nightmare

Feb 16, 2019

 I woke up at 6am on the dot this morning in tears from a "nightmare" I just had. In this dream, the guy I've been seeing was hanging out at my house after we've been out doing stuff all day (the same thing happened in real life this night.) But before he left, he tells me that he has decided he "doesn't think we should see each other anymore" and just leaves my house.

 Of course, I'm devastated. I'm trying to collect myself enough so I can go to his house to talk to him to see why he has made this decision for the two of us and not elaborated. And then one of my other friends drop by. At this point, the guy had somehow come back to my house and dropped off everything I have ever given him in our relationship. - This part was less realistic because I didn't give him any of the furniture that he dropped off in my dream let alone have I ever seen these items in my real life. - The friend who drops by proceeds to carry everything into the house (I didn't even open the door to let him in. Dreams are weird) and leaves everything in a pile on the foyer.

 I am in shock and just keeps asking this friend to "can you leave right now I got to go I'll explain everything later." "I need you to leave right now." "Get out now." He doesn't leave until my mom and aunt come home into the house. Some cousins are already miraculously inside but didn't appear until now and the two moms start saying stuff like the soup is ready, it is time to eat, etc, etc. I am still trying to leave the house so I can go find out what is going on. And my mom keeps calling me to eat. I say "I don't want to eat right now, can you leave me alone?" (Things I've actually said before because sometimes when I get into a mood I don't want to eat and I don't want to talk.)

 This part I'm more fuzzy on: I get to him or maybe I'm on the phone with him. I just know that I am talking to him. I ask what happened to us, why is this happening. And then the last thing I say is "Why are you doing this? Tomorrow is community day and we made all these plans!"

 See that last part is funny. Because today, (Feb 16) is Community Day in Pokemon GO. And the last thing I said to him before he left my house the night before was "See you tomorrow?" for our Community day plans. What made the dream hurt so much was the beginning and the ending are so close to what happened in real life before going to sleep. And of course, the being broken up with part.

 I woke up and started crying. I know I wasn't sobbing but there were tears streaming out of my eyes. I may have cried out at one point. But I glanced at my phone for the time, wiped my tears, wrote down everything I could remember, and tried to go back to sleep. Probably slept for only 2-3 hours more but I felt so heavy in my heart and mind.

Welp One Year Has Gone

 Hard to believe my last post was a year ago. I can't even begin to summarize what 2018 was like for me.
 That guy I was talking to about heart break this time last year, I liked him then. Still do to this day. Met him July/August of 2017, started liking him around September. But I left the country for almost 3 months and he wasn't as responsive towards the end of my trip as he was during the beginning. But we came back and our friendship continued in an upward motion. We had a romantic moment in December that continued into the new years but he told me after that he was still going through heart break and we had to take it easy. (Cue me writing that post.) It was fine for awhile but I couldn't handle the feeling of not being wanted completely by someone and said maybe we should have some time apart for him to work out his feelings.

 Turns out not only did he use that time to get over her, he got over me in that time as well. I was quite sad at that point. A few more months without talking and we started talking again but it was different. I spent those months trying to get over him. I did. Mostly... BUT once he started exhibiting signs again I couldn't help but fall back in.

 We started being "romantic" again in the summer. Then I left the country for a few weeks in both October and in December. I didn't get back until New Year's Eve. We had a great night. And since then I've hung out at his house and talked to his parents a bunch. Cut to one night we're hanging out...I see notifications from a dating app on his phone. Two different girls' names. (Yes, I know I shouldn't have looked but he started hiding his phone from me instead of always leaving it face up and I was curious.)

 Now I'm thinking: what do I do? Should I bring up that I saw something? Or just ask him to DTR (define the relationship)? Or just casually say something about being exclusive? Or all of the above?

 I'm 5% hoping he finds this and is on the same page as I am about being together and 95% scared if I bring up anything it will drive him away forever. And I'd rather be in this limbo not knowing what we are than to not have him in my life again.

 And as I think these things, I think to myself that I'm one of those girls who has the choice and option to leave an unhealthy relationship but doesn't choose to and I hate myself for it. That's how the first two weeks of 2019 has been for me. That's all folks~